Rides to/from places as a favor

[wtwo3]

So this may be a cultural thing, but my family (parents, siblings) will more or less expect rides to/from the airport anytime they're departing/arriving.

Most recently my brother was coming back from an international trip (he lives with my parents) - and my parents who weren't available to pick him up, more or less volun-told me to go pick him up. The issue here is they live an hour north of the airport, i live 35 minutes south of the airport. So this is roughly a 3+ hour ordeal for me.

Offering to pay for an Uber would be considered "rude" in their mind, the expectation is that I would pick my brother up.

In contrast, I have never asked anyone for a ride to/from the airport. I will always either arrange for something ahead of time, or simply call an Uber when I land. Even when we travel as a family (my wife and 2 kids), I'd rather pay the exorbitant cost of parking at the airport terminal parking lot rather than ask someone for a ride.

Am I wrong in my thinking that my brother, who is 28 years old and travelling solo, should just take an Uber? Hell I wouldn't even have a problem if he was to ask me. My issue is more the expectation, and then subsequently my parents holding it against me if I was to decline.

[Esteban]

I'd say just do it if it makes your parents happy and that's important to you. Don't know how old you are but my parents are dead now. Didn't like my dad but my mom was a saint and I'd do anything to make her happy.

[floridaorange]

Really depends on how busy you are I think. If you have the time and this is like a once or twice a year thing, having your brother there for you at the airport is a great reminder that you are loved and cared for in a world where people are feeling increasingly less loved (connected) and cared for.

[2008M36MT]

I would make my family a priority, and my family insists on picking me up when I arrive from out of town, suggesting an Uber isn't acceptable. Family isn't from the US, so you're right it's a cultural thing.

[wtwo3]

I guess it's just a difference in thought process. I've never asked for, and certainly never expected, a ride to/from the airport because in my mind it's a burden on someone and i'm more than capable of taking an Uber or arranging for a ride beforehand.

My parents asking for a ride is different - they're older and aren't as familiar with how things work.

I think it would be different if my brother lived elsewhere and was coming from out of town to visit. This was him just returning from a trip he took. So in my mind.... if I was 28 travelling solo and coming back home from a trip, it would feel weird for me to expect my older brother who has a family and 2 young children to take 3+ hours out of his day just to drop me off home when I can easily arrange for my own transportation.

Like I mentioned before - I think my main issue is the expectation around it. If it was simply a question as in - "hey I know you're busy, but if you have time do you think you could come get me from the airport?" - and then subsequently being ok if I had to decline - I'd be totally fine with it. But something about just expecting me to pick him up regardless of what's going on in my life sort of rubs me the wrong way.

[2008M36MT]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

I guess it's just a difference in thought process. I've never asked for, and certainly never expected, a ride to/from the airport because in my mind it's a burden on someone and i'm more than capable of taking an Uber or arranging for a ride beforehand.

My parents asking for a ride is different - they're older and aren't as familiar with how things work.

I think it would be different if my brother lived elsewhere and was coming from out of town to visit. This was him just returning from a trip he took. So in my mind.... if I was 28 travelling solo and coming back home from a trip, it would feel weird for me to expect my older brother who has a family and 2 young children to take 3+ hours out of his day just to drop me off home when I can easily arrange for my own transportation.

Like I mentioned before - I think my main issue is the expectation around it. If it was simply a question as in - "hey I know you're busy, but if you have time do you think you could come get me from the airport?" - and then subsequently being ok if I had to decline - I'd be totally fine with it. But something about just expecting me to pick him up regardless of what's going on in my life sort of rubs me the wrong way.

It's just a different mindset, which is ok, in our culture you just DO for family and close friends. Parents don't say fuck off at 18, children don't dump their parents off at a home when they are old. We do things for each other (including driving for 3 hours). No I'll pay for your gas you pay for mine business, my family fights over who goes to the airport. Everyone has responsibilities, kids. If I was in your situation, I'd be insisting on giving a ride.

[chassis]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

So this may be a cultural thing, but my family (parents, siblings) will more or less expect rides to/from the airport anytime they're departing/arriving.

Most recently my brother was coming back from an international trip (he lives with my parents) - and my parents who weren't available to pick him up, more or less volun-told me to go pick him up. The issue here is they live an hour north of the airport, i live 35 minutes south of the airport. So this is roughly a 3+ hour ordeal for me.

Offering to pay for an Uber would be considered "rude" in their mind, the expectation is that I would pick my brother up.

In contrast, I have never asked anyone for a ride to/from the airport. I will always either arrange for something ahead of time, or simply call an Uber when I land. Even when we travel as a family (my wife and 2 kids), I'd rather pay the exorbitant cost of parking at the airport terminal parking lot rather than ask someone for a ride.

Am I wrong in my thinking that my brother, who is 28 years old and travelling solo, should just take an Uber? Hell I wouldn't even have a problem if he was to ask me. My issue is more the expectation, and then subsequently my parents holding it against me if I was to decline.

Great opportunity to learn how to set relationship boundaries.

[dreamingat30fps]

Seems the issue is that it's a one way street as you say you always arrange pickup for yourself. So stop. Let them pick you up. Maybe then they will see its a pita and stop asking you to pick them up, or if not you at least get the same benefit and save a few $$ on ubers.

In my family no one really asks me to pick them up or take them to the airport. They either get their own ubers or someone else traveling with them arranges something or we are all traveling together. When we travel I always arrange and uber or extended parking at airport.

[RickFLM4]

If he's living at home at 28 and calling your parents for rides, it's probably inconceivable to him to take an Uber. You should send him an Uber gift card and tell him he shouldn't call your parents or you for rides anymore.

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Seems the issue is that it's a one way street as you say you always arrange pickup for yourself. So stop. Let them pick you up. Maybe then they will see its a pita and stop asking you to pick them up, or if not you at least get the same benefit and save a few $$ on ubers.

In my family no one really asks me to pick them up or take them to the airport. They either get their own ubers or someone else traveling with them arranges something or we are all traveling together. When we travel I always arrange and uber or extended parking at airport.

I think there's also a psychological issue on my end... I hate relying on others. So I guess the one way street is partly my own doing since I'd actually prefer to arrange for my own transportation.

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by RickFLM4

If he's living at home at 28 and calling your parents for rides, it's probably inconceivable to him to take an Uber. You should send him an Uber gift card and tell him he shouldn't call your parents or you for rides anymore.

Agreed. He's the baby of the family and unfortunately, at 28, my parents still treat him that way. So those ride requests/demands are coming from my parents as much as they are from him (i.e. my parents expect me to go pick him up).

[RickFLM4]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

Agreed. He's the baby of the family and unfortunately, at 28, my parents still treat him that way. So those ride requests/demands are coming from my parents as much as they are from him (i.e. my parents expect me to go pick him up).

Yeah but they’re asking because he’s asking them.

[Darth One]

Could be cultural, could be the dynamics of the particular family. But the key is reciprocity.

No one in our family has to take public transport when visiting the other. I actually don’t have a vehicle that fits my whole extended family, so on the occasions when i have all of them, i rent one. But on the other hand i never need a ride in their hometowns either. They even reserve the use of one of their cars for my use while in town (this isn’t something I reciprocate because they’re terrible drivers lol)

[tranquility]

I didn't know you were Asian? LOL.

Ya, I'm exactly like you, I don't and hate relying on others, even when I had some minor crisis I didn't even bother to tell them about it because I'm super-independent and always handled things myself.

Maybe you need to have a heart chat w your brother, this asking of strangers isn't gonna cut it. Tell him how you feel in a nice way and see if he has some thing that makes him rely upon you somehow. 3+ hours is kinda crazy, I guess your parents are ignorant of how much of a hassle it will be for you?

For sure don't just do it cuz you're gonna add to your resentment (I already feel it reading your OP haha).

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by Darth One

Could be cultural, could be the dynamics of the particular family. But the key is reciprocity.

No one in our family has to take public transport when visiting the other. I actually don’t have a vehicle that fits my whole extended family, so on the occasions when i have all of them, i rent one. But on the other hand i never need a ride in their hometowns either. They even reserve the use of one of their cars for my use while in town (this isn’t something I reciprocate because they’re terrible drivers lol)

And that's the thing. This would be completely different if they were visiting from out of town. But they live an hour and a half away from me. So the rides to/from the airport aren't because they're visiting me... They're rides to/from between the airport and their house. If they were visiting from out of town absolutely I'd pick them up and they'd have use of one of our cars if they needed.

[Esteban]

I think knowing a little more about baby bro now I might have a confidential conversation with him explaining that it's an inconvenience for you and ask him if he could make his own arrangements, like you said. Doesn't sound like that would be too difficult for a 28yo adult to do.

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by tranquility

I didn't know you were Asian? LOL.

Guilty

Originally Posted by tranquility

Ya, I'm exactly like you, I don't and hate relying on others, even when I had some minor crisis I didn't even bother to tell them about it because I'm super-independent and always handled things myself.

Maybe you need to have a heart chat w your brother, this asking of strangers isn't gonna cut it. Tell him how you feel in a nice way and see if he has some thing that makes him rely upon you somehow. 3+ hours is kinda crazy, I guess your parents are ignorant of how much of a hassle it will be for you?

For sure don't just do it cuz you're gonna add to your resentment (I already feel it reading your OP haha).

It's hard for me to say they're ignorant of how much of a hassle it is... because I feel that would be somewhat disrespectful.... but that's sort of it it's one thing if I was single or even married with no kids and had a bit more free time. But with 2 little kids it's pretty tough to justify a 3+ hour trip when my brother can easily just take an Uber.

And this brings up the other issue. If I'm not able to, it's held against me, regardless of the reason.

[M4Tejas]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

So this may be a cultural thing, but my family (parents, siblings) will more or less expect rides to/from the airport anytime they're departing/arriving.

Most recently my brother was coming back from an international trip (he lives with my parents) - and my parents who weren't available to pick him up, more or less volun-told me to go pick him up. The issue here is they live an hour north of the airport, i live 35 minutes south of the airport. So this is roughly a 3+ hour ordeal for me.

Offering to pay for an Uber would be considered "rude" in their mind, the expectation is that I would pick my brother up.

In contrast, I have never asked anyone for a ride to/from the airport. I will always either arrange for something ahead of time, or simply call an Uber when I land. Even when we travel as a family (my wife and 2 kids), I'd rather pay the exorbitant cost of parking at the airport terminal parking lot rather than ask someone for a ride.

Am I wrong in my thinking that my brother, who is 28 years old and travelling solo, should just take an Uber? Hell I wouldn't even have a problem if he was to ask me. My issue is more the expectation, and then subsequently my parents holding it against me if I was to decline.

I won't do it either. Over 1 hour one way to D/FW Airport, parking fees and just a PITA. They can take UBER! I would pay for UBER. D/FW traffic is a beat down.

[Esteban]

Maybe even offer to pay for the Uber, if you have more money than free time and everyone would be cool with you doing that. And if that would let you off the hook with your parents. Wouldn't want the guilt of my parents on my shoulders.

[wtwo3]

Originally Posted by Esteban

Maybe even offer to pay for the Uber, if you have more money than free time and you're cool with doing that. And if that would let you off the hook with your parents. Wouldn't want the guilt of my parents on my shoulders.

They'd take that as being disrespectful. It's a weird dynamic. But even besides that he's got a full time job and doesn't pay rent... I guess it's also weird to me that I even have to bring up something that I'd consider common courtesy.

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by wtwo3

They'd take that as being disrespectful. It's a weird dynamic. But even besides that he's got a full time job and doesn't pay rent... I guess it's also weird to me that I even have to bring up something that I'd consider common courtesy.

That's sounds like a tough spot to be in. Almost like you have no choice. Are you close with your bro. Can you convince him to have a talk with your parents so this wouldn't be all on you?

[Esteban]

Also, they don't consider it disrespectful that he doesn't pay rent?