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      06-06-2016, 08:09 AM   #331
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Originally Posted by 1LRM3
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Originally Posted by jtodd_fl View Post
I always wanted to date a biker chick.
they do like to ride know what I mean.... but don't take home to mama.....
And race biker chicks like to be leaned forward when they ride.

Edit: also, knee scrapes are seen as a badge of honor! Win!
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      06-06-2016, 08:25 AM   #332
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtodd_fl View Post
And race biker chicks like to be leaned forward when they ride.

Edit: also, knee scrapes are seen as a badge of honor! Win!
Yeah, gotta really go to pound town doggy style and wear her knees out. Shows who the real champ is.
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      06-13-2016, 11:20 PM   #333
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Story #1

One night at soccer camp I heard screening outside my door. 'Look at this I did it!' I recognized the voice belonging to our keeper.

I open my door to see him looking right at me....naked....with a gummy life saver around his wang.

One of my teammates dared him to do it.

My confession is I am still hunted by this image many years later.

--------

Story #2

Another run in with unwanted nakedness...

My senior year in HS I kept hearing my friends say the word 'portraits'. Immediately after that everyone would act VERY disgusted and get pissed that someone said 'the word'. This went on for weeks.

Well I was feeling left out on the secret so I asked wtf was going on. What is the big deal with the word portraits?!?!? So I asked my friend. He was like man trust me you DONT want to know. I was like come on tell me!!! He was like no way man I was you once...and now I can't go back. So I asked others and no one would tell me. So finally, after begging, one of my friends said he would tell me.

A couple weeks later we were at my friends house and he said he was heading over to a neighbor's house to shoot pool. I had never been but not much into pool but went along.

So we get there and they knock on the door. This guy answers. I swear he had to be at least late 70s to 80 something answers. He invites us in and we go downstairs to the basement where the pool table is. Everyone shoots pool. After a while the old dude goes upstairs.

Then my friend comes over to me and says are you sure you want to know about portraits? I said yes. So he has me sit in an old ass couch. Then he walks over to a coffee table in front of me...stands on it....reaches up in the ceiling tile...and pulls something out....walks behind me....and then holds it in front of my face.....OMG THE PORTRAIT!!!! THE HORROR OF WHAT I WITNESSED WAS JUST NASTY BEYOND COMPREHENSION!!! IT WAS POLAROID PICTURES OF THE OLD GUY AND SOME OLD WOMAN ENGAGED IN TORTURE SEX (or whatever it's called) ON THE COUCH I WAS SITTING IN AND IN THE BASEMENT!!!!

20 years later, once a year, I will send an email or text to them simply saying 'PORTRAIT!'
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      06-14-2016, 12:06 AM   #334
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Jesus man, the point of the thread was to allow members to confess and giggle a bit, not give other members PTSD lol
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      06-14-2016, 07:19 AM   #335
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smoosh
Jesus man, the point of the thread was to allow members to confess and giggle a bit, not give other members PTSD lol
I'm in a PTSD coping program. Part of this therapy mandates that I share my experiences such that I can take solace knowing others will now share in my pain.
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      06-14-2016, 09:17 AM   #336
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I posted this in another thread but:

When I poop at work, I take my shirt and undershirt completely off and hang it on the door just in case the dump is large and poo water splashes up.
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      06-14-2016, 09:51 AM   #337
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Dude! Do you put your pants around your ankles when you pee also?
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      06-14-2016, 10:14 AM   #338
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4
I posted this in another thread but:

When I poop at work, I take my shirt and undershirt completely off and hang it on the door just in case the dump is large and poo water splashes up.
I learned on the tv show 'hack my life' that if you put some tp down predump you will not need to fear the splash.
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      06-14-2016, 10:33 AM   #339
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4 View Post
I posted this in another thread but:

When I poop at work, I take my shirt and undershirt completely off and hang it on the door just in case the dump is large and poo water splashes up.
I do this on particularly crazy dumps. The ones that make you break a sweat beforehand because your stomach is churning so bad. But I do it more so to cool down rather than avoid splash.
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      06-14-2016, 10:44 AM   #340
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reborn_ View Post
I do this on particularly crazy dumps. The ones that make you break a sweat beforehand because your stomach is churning so bad. But I do it more so to cool down rather than avoid splash.
i hear that. After a big one I feel like I need a shower.
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      06-14-2016, 10:49 AM   #341
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I eat ass.


Edited: Okay, I'm lying. I felt weird.





and don't want to be judged for who I really am.
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      06-14-2016, 10:50 AM   #342
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Don't say that after dump posts
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      06-14-2016, 11:51 AM   #343
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Back in college I slept with one of a slight acquaintance's girl friend. It was on a long light of drinking and I had to shit at Waffle House while the group I was with was eating.

Went back to her dorm apartment and she rode me on the edge of her bed that had a VERY nice WHITE down comforter. After she was done and we were going to switch and get more on top of the bed... after she moved and I got up, I noticed there was a HUGE skid mark on the edge of the bed. I guess I didnt wipe my ass that good or barely at all.

So I threw the comforter pretty much all the way to the side and partially off the bed and we did our thing. After she wanted me to stay so I grabbed the comforter and flipped it over so the skid mark wasnt on top (there was another layer of sheets between us and the comforter). I panicked a bit because I didnt want her to make her bed the next day and notice a huge shit stain at the foot of the bed. Sooo I flipped the comforter over. It's all I could think of.

Well the next morning she's up first and wakes me up. I get dressed and we part ways. We never hooked up again and I saw her at a bunch of parties but always in the back of the mind wondered how long it took for her to see it. Did she think it was hers? Did she tell all her friends (probably)?
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      06-14-2016, 12:19 PM   #344
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4 View Post
Back in college I slept with one of a slight acquaintance's girl friend. It was on a long light of drinking and I had to shit at Waffle House while the group I was with was eating.

Went back to her dorm apartment and she rode me on the edge of her bed that had a VERY nice WHITE down comforter. After she was done and we were going to switch and get more on top of the bed... after she moved and I got up, I noticed there was a HUGE skid mark on the edge of the bed. I guess I didnt wipe my ass that good or barely at all.

So I threw the comforter pretty much all the way to the side and partially off the bed and we did our thing. After she wanted me to stay so I grabbed the comforter and flipped it over so the skid mark wasnt on top (there was another layer of sheets between us and the comforter). I panicked a bit because I didnt want her to make her bed the next day and notice a huge shit stain at the foot of the bed. Sooo I flipped the comforter over. It's all I could think of.

Well the next morning she's up first and wakes me up. I get dressed and we part ways. We never hooked up again and I saw her at a bunch of parties but always in the back of the mind wondered how long it took for her to see it. Did she think it was hers? Did she tell all her friends (probably)?
LOL!
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      06-14-2016, 12:24 PM   #345
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I like most of Justin Bieber's last album...
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      06-14-2016, 12:52 PM   #346
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Last one for now:
When I was about 16 I was out in my parents neighborhood walking our two dogs a golden lab and German shepherd. We came up to our usual pond and the ducks where out waddling around. My dogs never lunged at them but would occasionally bark pretty loud.

While we were there the guy that lived across the street came running out with what I now know to be a shotgun. He said "Get your fucking dogs away from my ducks or I will shoot them" then pointed the gun at me and my dogs. I was scared shitless and said we'd leave immediately then apologized. Mind you this is just a neighborhood pond and not his private pond. Nor did he purchase the ducks and put them there.

I went home and told my dad what happened and he said not to think anything of it. The next day (this was in the summer while school was out)... I went back out to the pond with my pellet gun and killed 3 of his ducks. Took my knife out and cut them all open. Smeared the blood all over his mail box and shoved the ducks inside.

Not sure what happened after that....

However, about 3-4 weeks later said guy was out on his run and collapsed literally feet away from my driveway (he had a heart attack). I saw him from our bay window and I could tell he was in pain by the way he was grimacing. My dogs came running up to see what was going on and I just watched him. I didnt fucking go out there to help his ass. I let him lay there and suffer.

The only way someone found him was the mail lady was making her rounds and she ran to the other neighbors across the st.

I never told my mom this but my dad knew (I'm sure he eventually told my mom). He said it was wrong and fucked up but understood. I told my dad he threatened our family (my beloved dogs) and was going to pay. Being I was pretty young - that was the only way I could do it.

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      06-14-2016, 12:58 PM   #347
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      06-14-2016, 01:20 PM   #348
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I call bs
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      06-14-2016, 02:04 PM   #349
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4
Back in college I slept with one of a slight acquaintance's girl friend. It was on a long light of drinking and I had to shit at Waffle House while the group I was with was eating.

Went back to her dorm apartment and she rode me on the edge of her bed that had a VERY nice WHITE down comforter. After she was done and we were going to switch and get more on top of the bed... after she moved and I got up, I noticed there was a HUGE skid mark on the edge of the bed. I guess I didnt wipe my ass that good or barely at all.

So I threw the comforter pretty much all the way to the side and partially off the bed and we did our thing. After she wanted me to stay so I grabbed the comforter and flipped it over so the skid mark wasnt on top (there was another layer of sheets between us and the comforter). I panicked a bit because I didnt want her to make her bed the next day and notice a huge shit stain at the foot of the bed. Sooo I flipped the comforter over. It's all I could think of.

Well the next morning she's up first and wakes me up. I get dressed and we part ways. We never hooked up again and I saw her at a bunch of parties but always in the back of the mind wondered how long it took for her to see it. Did she think it was hers? Did she tell all her friends (probably)?
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      06-14-2016, 02:51 PM   #350
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I regularly fantasize about tossing someone I work with to the Sarlacc pit monster.
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      06-14-2016, 02:57 PM   #351
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4 View Post
Last one for now:
When I was about 16 I was out in my parents neighborhood walking our two dogs a golden lab and German shepherd. We came up to our usual pond and the ducks where out waddling around. My dogs never lunged at them but would occasionally bark pretty loud.

While we were there the guy that lived across the street came running out with what I now know to be a shotgun. He said "Get your fucking dogs away from my ducks or I will shoot them" then pointed the gun at me and my dogs. I was scared shitless and said we'd leave immediately then apologized. Mind you this is just a neighborhood pond and not his private pond. Nor did he purchase the ducks and put them there.

I went home and told my dad what happened and he said not to think anything of it. The next day (this was in the summer while school was out)... I went back out to the pond with my pellet gun and killed 3 of his ducks. Took my knife out and cut them all open. Smeared the blood all over his mail box and shoved the ducks inside.

Not sure what happened after that....

However, about 3-4 weeks later said guy was out on his run and collapsed literally feet away from my driveway (he had a heart attack). I saw him from our bay window and I could tell he was in pain by the way he was grimacing. My dogs came running up to see what was going on and I just watched him. I didnt fucking go out there to help his ass. I let him lay there and suffer.

The only way someone found him was the mail lady was making her rounds and she ran to the other neighbors across the st.

I never told my mom this but my dad knew (I'm sure he eventually told my mom). He said it was wrong and fucked up but understood. I told my dad he threatened our family (my beloved dogs) and was going to pay. Being I was pretty young - that was the only way I could do it.

is this some kind of sick god-loves-me revenge fantasy?
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      06-14-2016, 03:05 PM   #352
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grimlock
Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4 View Post
Last one for now:
When I was about 16 I was out in my parents neighborhood walking our two dogs a golden lab and German shepherd. We came up to our usual pond and the ducks where out waddling around. My dogs never lunged at them but would occasionally bark pretty loud.

While we were there the guy that lived across the street came running out with what I now know to be a shotgun. He said "Get your fucking dogs away from my ducks or I will shoot them" then pointed the gun at me and my dogs. I was scared shitless and said we'd leave immediately then apologized. Mind you this is just a neighborhood pond and not his private pond. Nor did he purchase the ducks and put them there.

I went home and told my dad what happened and he said not to think anything of it. The next day (this was in the summer while school was out)... I went back out to the pond with my pellet gun and killed 3 of his ducks. Took my knife out and cut them all open. Smeared the blood all over his mail box and shoved the ducks inside.

Not sure what happened after that....

However, about 3-4 weeks later said guy was out on his run and collapsed literally feet away from my driveway (he had a heart attack). I saw him from our bay window and I could tell he was in pain by the way he was grimacing. My dogs came running up to see what was going on and I just watched him. I didnt fucking go out there to help his ass. I let him lay there and suffer.

The only way someone found him was the mail lady was making her rounds and she ran to the other neighbors across the st.

I never told my mom this but my dad knew (I'm sure he eventually told my mom). He said it was wrong and fucked up but understood. I told my dad he threatened our family (my beloved dogs) and was going to pay. Being I was pretty young - that was the only way I could do it.

is this some kind of sick god-loves-me revenge fantasy?
lol. no. teenage semi passive aggressive street justice
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