The joke thread, pics are not necessary

snowbimmer · 08-19-2025, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

Name a word that rhymes with 'banker'.

You don't have to phone a friend with that one.

Flanker?

Marti9t9 · 08-19-2025, 05:33 PM

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joketiming

Marti9t9 · 08-19-2025, 05:36 PM

Man: Dr, how long do I have to live?
Dr. Five...
Man: Five years? Five months?
Dr: Four...three...two..

Llarry · 08-19-2025, 06:12 PM

Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is unfair.

Buug959 · 08-19-2025, 08:16 PM

DJ

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buug959

DJ

Goddam, that's funny, right there. I don't care who you are.🤣🤣

M5Rick · 08-20-2025, 02:54 AM

Waiter waiter, there's fly in my soup..

Don't worry sir, the spider on the bread roll will get him.

Buug959 · 08-20-2025, 07:49 AM

Did you hear about the guy who wanted his ashes mixed into the salsa?

He wanted to tear his wife's ass up one more time.

Watching The World Burn · 08-20-2025, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

Name a word that rhymes with 'banker'.

You don't have to phone a friend with that one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbimmer

Flanker?

So close.

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watching The World Burn

So close.

Oh.....tanker.

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbimmer

Oh.....tanker.

Wait.....pranker. There.

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watching The World Burn

So close.

Hmmmmmm...

Vanker?

Xanker?
Yanker could work.
Zanker?

What's missing here? I'm stumped.

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 10:19 AM

Banker

Watching The World Burn · 08-20-2025, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

Name a word that rhymes with 'banker'.

You don't have to phone a friend with that one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbimmer

Hmmmmmm...

Vanker?

Xanker?
Yanker could work.
Zanker?

What's missing here? I'm stumped.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbimmer

Banker

Ahh, came full circle on that one did you?

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watching The World Burn

Ahh, came full circle on that one did you?

Short memory.......

At least I'm not just some wanker.

Heh!

M5Rick · 08-20-2025, 02:17 PM

(In an Israeli restaurant).

Waiter waiter there's a fly in my soup..

That''ll be a pound extra sir.

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

(In an Israeli restaurant).

Waiter waiter there's a fly in my soup..

That''ll be a pound extra sir.

Um.......shekel?

M5Rick · 08-20-2025, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbimmer

Um.......shekel?

Ok, let's say an Israeli restaurant in London then.

snowbimmer · 08-20-2025, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M5Rick

Name a word that rhymes with 'banker'.

You don't have to phone a friend with that one.

Ok, just to wind this out a bit more............

Anchor
Name: Anchor.jpg
Views: 495
Size: 47.6 KB

Cranker

Planker

Shanker

Skanker

Spanker

And finally....Supertanker
Name: Supertanker.jpg
Views: 499
Size: 44.3 KB

I'm done. I'll show myself out now.

vreihen16 · 08-20-2025, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbimmer

Spanker
Attachment 3802984

You forgot thank-her.....

vreihen16 · 08-20-2025, 03:11 PM

An 86-year-old man was waiting in the Double Dutch Bar to have some drinks with an old mate. While he was waiting for his mate a gorgeous girl enters the bar and sits down a few seats away from where he was sitting. The girl is so attractive that the old guy just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices that he's staring at her, and approaches him.

Before the old guy even has time to apologize for his staring, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone, "I'll do anything you'd like me to do. Whatever you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how unusual or extreme it might be, I'm game. I only want $100, and there's one other condition."

Completely blown away by the sudden turn of events, the old guy asks her what that one condition is.

Well she says; "You have to tell me exactly what you want me to do and you can only use three words to describe it."

The old man takes a few seconds and considers the offer from that gorgeous girl.
He takes out his wallet and gives a $100 dollars to the girl.
He then looks her straight in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly,

"Paint my house".

Buug959 · 08-21-2025, 04:49 AM

Reporter: Sir, what do you think about the study that says humans eat more bananas than monkeys?

Old Man: I think it must be true.

Reporter: Why is that?

Old Man: Well I ate a banana at breakfast this morning but I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

08-19-2025, 05:33 PM	#1740
Marti9t9 New Member 12 Rep 7 Posts Drives: BMW 320i Join Date: Jul 2025 Location: Ireland iTrader: (0)	What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joketiming
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08-19-2025, 05:36 PM	#1741
Marti9t9 New Member 12 Rep 7 Posts Drives: BMW 320i Join Date: Jul 2025 Location: Ireland iTrader: (0)	Man: Dr, how long do I have to live? Dr. Five... Man: Five years? Five months? Dr: Four...three...two..
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08-19-2025, 06:12 PM	#1742
Llarry Rear Commander 30096 Rep 981 Posts Drives: 2025 M850i GCpe Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oregon iTrader: (0) Garage List 2025 BMW M850ix Gra ... [10.00] 2022 Honda Ridgelin ... [10.00] 2021 Porsche Macan GTS [6.25]	Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is unfair. __________________ '25 M850ix GC Tanzanite w/Black & Fiona Red BMW CCA 31 years Is 4 years over yet?
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08-19-2025, 08:16 PM	#1743
Buug959 Captain 30710 Rep 893 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, Golf R Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	DJ Attached Images __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before! VW Golf- retired
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08-20-2025, 02:54 AM	#1745
M5Rick General 90268 Rep 27,070 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	Waiter waiter, there's fly in my soup.. Don't worry sir, the spider on the bread roll will get him.
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08-20-2025, 07:49 AM	#1746
Buug959 Captain 30710 Rep 893 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, Golf R Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	Did you hear about the guy who wanted his ashes mixed into the salsa? He wanted to tear his wife's ass up one more time. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before! VW Golf- retired
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08-20-2025, 10:19 AM	#1751
snowbimmer Colonel 8953 Rep 2,704 Posts Drives: 2025 Alpina B8 - Alpina Green Join Date: Feb 2017 Location: PDX iTrader: (0) Garage List 2025 Alpina B8 [9.75]	Banker
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08-20-2025, 02:17 PM	#1754
M5Rick General 90268 Rep 27,070 Posts Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: GB iTrader: (0)	(In an Israeli restaurant). Waiter waiter there's a fly in my soup.. That''ll be a pound extra sir.
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08-20-2025, 03:11 PM	#1759
vreihen16 Recovering Perfectionist 30744 Rep 1,098 Posts Drives: BMW-less :( Join Date: Jun 2019 Location: Orange County, NY iTrader: (0)	An 86-year-old man was waiting in the Double Dutch Bar to have some drinks with an old mate. While he was waiting for his mate a gorgeous girl enters the bar and sits down a few seats away from where he was sitting. The girl is so attractive that the old guy just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices that he's staring at her, and approaches him. Before the old guy even has time to apologize for his staring, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone, "I'll do anything you'd like me to do. Whatever you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how unusual or extreme it might be, I'm game. I only want $100, and there's one other condition." Completely blown away by the sudden turn of events, the old guy asks her what that one condition is. Well she says; "You have to tell me exactly what you want me to do and you can only use three words to describe it." The old man takes a few seconds and considers the offer from that gorgeous girl. He takes out his wallet and gives a $100 dollars to the girl. He then looks her straight in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly, "Paint my house". __________________ Currently BMW-less.
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08-21-2025, 04:49 AM	#1760
Buug959 Captain 30710 Rep 893 Posts Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, Golf R Join Date: Jun 2020 Location: Nova Scotia iTrader: (0)	Reporter: Sir, what do you think about the study that says humans eat more bananas than monkeys? Old Man: I think it must be true. Reporter: Why is that? Old Man: Well I ate a banana at breakfast this morning but I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. __________________ Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before! VW Golf- retired
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