Tinder/Dating Apps

[Reborn_]

I've got a couple stories from several years ago.:

Originally Posted by Reborn

Basically a story about banging a fatty:


About 2 years ago I made my first venture into online dating. I was recently dumped by my long-term girlfriend and mostly looking to get some action to help take my mind off of her. Online dating never occurred to me until one of my close friends brought it up and I found out he was actively doing it, so I decided to do the same so we could share some stories and laughs. Anyways, this one chick messaged me and her pic looked great! So I checked out her profile and all of her pics looked great. In all fairness, she was very pretty. I wasn’t sure about her body – while she did have full body pics, they were for one reason or another not adequate to unequivocally decide she wasn’t fat (no arm shots either). I kept this in mind as we chatted for a few days. One night we were chatting and the conversation turned sexual. As we each kept pushing the envelope, it turned into cyber sex (LOL). That was a first for me, but obviously I was very aroused by all of it. This girl was a freak and telling me all about it. A couple nights later we decided to chat over the phone, which ended in phone sex (not a first for me, but not something I’ve done very often either). I will admit that we had a lot in common and we chatted a LOT, started texting a lot, and basically I dove in very fast. About 2 weeks after all this started we set up a date. We live about 1-1.5 hours apart and so she said she would come to me (since I also work 1.5 hours from home, in the opposite direction from her house).

The fateful night was upon me and I was very nervous. This was my first time going on a date with a complete stranger. I pounded a couple shots of whiskey at home to take the edge off. She arrived, so I went outside to meet her. She rolled up in her Jetta and I immediately felt like I’ve been punched in the gut as I can already tell she is fat – I tell her to park and I’ll drive. She gets out and while she’s not some manatee, she is WAY fatter than what I am used to (slim azn girls). Fat ass arms sticking out out her top, etc. I hugged her and decided what the hell, I’ll take her to dinner like we planned. She drove all this way and now she knows where I live. We went to a sushi/japanese tapas joint nearby and I got us beer and sake and started handling drinks. I decided it was a foregone conclusion that I was going to smash this chick – she was obviously down, I was in need of some strange with no other prospects (remember, I was fresh off a tough breakup), and I was already very intrigued and aroused by all the cyber and phone sex. So we finished up food, got our buzz on, and I took her back to my place. We went to my bedroom and I put on a movie of her choice – fight club. We laid on my bed and she cuddled up on me as I put my arm around her. For the next half hour I was struggling whether or not to go for it, and finally decided fuck it and made my move. We got down, and the saving grace was her huge, awesomely luscious latina breasts. We put on some porn also - this girl was a freak, we had just met! Anyway we finished and chilled naked, continuing to watch porn. We got round 2 going and we finished. At this point it was 1am and I was exhausted (I don’t sleep much during the week so Friday nights I’m completely done). So I told her she could sleep over (hey I’m nice) but she said she had to go. After she left I warmed up some food and ate it and then hit the sack. I was so disgusted with myself I seriously thought I was going to vomit up the food I just ate – no joke. I almost lost it a couple times. Her skin was all “bumpy” the way fat people’s skin tends to be– to this day it haunts me.

Anyway, she continued being all up on my business since she was really into me and I started becoming more distant and then a few days later broke the news to her that I wasn’t attracted to her and some other things. She got understandably pissed and said “you certainly fucked me like you were attracted to me!” and some stuff towards me and I just let it go and that was that. Never seen her since. A few months later she messaged me on the dating site again being very friendly, but I ignored her.

I have retired from the online dating game but not before running through a few more chicks - and what I learned from this first experience was to take it SLOW before meeting. The other experiences were far more pleasant.

Originally Posted by Reborn

I'm "working from home" today so here is another one from my online dating days.

Met this girl on match.com. She messaged me, so I knew she was wet to begin with. First date was kinda boring - she was shy, and I need an outgoing girl to bring me out of my shell as well. But I kissed her at the end of the night, which is my strict policy on the first date, and she loved it. She asked me out for a mid-week dinner and we made out, a LOT. I knew her game. Squeeze that second date in before the weekend so we can fuck the next weekend. I was down. Gotta love girls who abide by the 3 date rule like clockwork.

Low and behold, she invites me over for a home-cooked dinner on Saturday night. My spidey (or pussy?) sense was tingling correctly. She lived far from me, so I packed an overnight bag. My homeboy lived near her, so if somehow I struck out I could just crash at his pad. Playing the game to a T, I left the overnight bag in my hatch so as not to appear presumptuous. Condoms in the pocket, though. 2, in case she just can't get enough.

So she had cooked up a decent meal, but man was her place ghetto. We watched tv for a while, then I made my move and we were making out for a while. It had gotten somewhat late (around 12) and she asked if I wanted to stay the night. I agreed and we moved to the bedroom. It was a 2 bedroom apartment, and she shared the master with another girl - 2 twin (or full) beds on opposite sides of the room. WTF? We were about 26 at the time, a little too old to be sharing a bedroom. But fuck it, I'll pound some pussy on a child's bed, what do I care.

I strapped my trusty Trojan ENZ with spermicidal lube (gotta love that second layer of protection) condom on my dill piece and we get to having sex. First it was missionary, and she was laying there like a dead fish. I wasn't really feeling that, so I threw her on top, cowgirl. Except, she was just sitting there. WTF? So I start thrusting from beneath. This girl sucks in bed. Whatever, I'm gonna rage fuck her then. So since she was not very good, I lost my full potential of boner-ness, i.e. I softened up slightly - no, I didn't go limp. However, those of you with experience know that if you get a bit softer, that condom has a tendency to slip off. So when I started raging it from underneath, she started fucking showering (she was latina, and they are a wet breed). Dope. Now I'm gettin into this. It's feeling so good. Wait a minute, it's feeling a little too good, and that squishy noise I'm hearing sounds a bit strange, even though shes squirtin like a fountain. I pull out and look. My bare one-eyed monster stares back at me. FUCK! that noise was me pressing the condom deeper and deeper inside of her. She went to the bathroom and tried to get it out, and she couldnt. I dont want this ho to get an infection, so I went on a fishin expedition. Keep in mind that this is the 3rd time I've met this chick, and we are getting VERY familiar, lmao. After multiple tries and 15 minutes, I got the condom out. I stood there proudly, holding it up and smiling, much like fisherman do with a big catch. Anyway we crashed out, no nut busted. In the morning I took her to the pharmacy for dat plan b, bought her breakfast and then took off to my buddys place.

I saw her for another month or so. I didn't like spending time with her - she was horribly boring and quiet. But she had a juicy wet pussy, and she was small so I could do freaky shit with her like holding her while i stand fucking, and one entire wall of her bedroom was a mirror (sliding closet doors). So being with her had its perks. She went on birth control a few weeks later, and then i dumped her like 5 days after that, lol! felt kinda bad about that but whatever.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by Verbiage

What if I proposed to either of your daughters with a ring equating to 9 months of my salary?

9 months of your salary. Go for it, she'll say "no".
(Heh. Just kidding.). I will, however, shoot you in the penis. Kidding again, but not really.

[Verbiage]

Originally Posted by jtodd_fl

9 months of your salary. Go for it, she'll say "no".
(Heh. Just kidding.). I will, however, shoot you in the penis. Kidding again, but not really.

Your input is required on the 3 Month's Salary thread.

[Axius]

Ha. See they wouldn't fall to let a bloke like you date their daughters.


Now, a man like ME, on the other hand..., well everyone likes me, I'm filthy sticking rich, a stud, and I can count backwards starting at 100. So who's daughter wants to go to dinner first?

[Verbiage]

But you smoke.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by Axius

Ha. See they wouldn't fall to let a bloke like you date their daughters.


Now, a man like ME, on the other hand..., well everyone likes me, I'm filthy sticking rich, a stud, and I can count backwards starting at 100. So who's daughter wants to go to dinner first?

No way. I was there till the whole "penis on the business card" scandal of 11:00am.

[Axius]

Originally Posted by jtodd_fl

No way. I was there till the whole "penis on the business card" scandal of 11:00am.

But that wasn't even my doing! Someone is trying to sabotage our lawyer and attorney business stuff thing!


This is why we can't have nice things.

[Aatish]

Grimy, where art thou Grimy?

(Hopefully slaying some sick poon).

[grimlock]

Here I am, fear not.

Originally Posted by PoorLurker

grimlock is an interesting fellow, haha

If the girl is unfamiliar with HK maybe you could have used her question about directions to ask if she'd like for you to show her some places.

HK is a hectic place where people could easily become overwhelmed.

Take her to Australian Dairy Company in Jordan... Then you will look like prince charming full of manners compared to those guy waiters there haha

some interesting tactics there
I'm thinking I need to increase the 'comfort' level.. the girls seem to be scared away

[grimlock]

Okay, so 'random laughing girl' replies "mmm" which means "okay/ic/gotcha/ubet" after 1.5-2 days..
now im thinking i need to return a normal level of interest, instead of sticking to meaningless pleasantries.. at this point im stuck, i can't think of anything between "you're hot" and "good morning"

[Verbiage]

How about "hey". That seems to work pretty well.


Maybe you'll have better luck this time around.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Verbiage

How about "hey". That seems to work pretty well.


Maybe you'll have better luck this time around.

dude..
no really, i have recently realized the vast extent of my problems relating come from my dad cockblocking me

so it's like you're talking to an infant right now

btw where's Nef.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by Verbiage

How about "hey". That seems to work pretty well.


Maybe you'll have better luck this time around.

[Aatish]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Okay, so 'random laughing girl' replies "mmm" which means "okay/ic/gotcha/ubet" after 1.5-2 days..
now im thinking i need to return a normal level of interest, instead of sticking to meaningless pleasantries.. at this point im stuck, i can't think of anything between "you're hot" and "good morning"

Ask her how her weekend went...

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Aatish

Ask her how her weekend went...

okay..

[Axius]

Then ask her if you can fill her next weekend.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Verbiage

But you smoke.

That just means he puts out, no????

[Axius]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

That just means he puts out, no????

If he smokes, he pokes.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Axius

If he smokes, he pokes.

Glad HS teachings haven't changed since the 80s

[Verbiage]

Originally Posted by Axius

If he smokes, he pokes.

Poke yourself, mister!

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by Axius

Then ask her if you can fill her next weekend.

kinda hard shes 1000km away and my putunghua sucks.. okay but let me reply her a billup-like line first

[Nkc]

Can you post your screen cap conversations on here? Nef style.