How's your marriage holding up?

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by rebekahb

That's not always true.

It usually is though, well, in California anyway.

Unless you marry someone who makes the same or more than you.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by rebekahb

That's not always true.

Countdown until cmyx6go arrives to correct this sexist mis-conception in 3..2..1.....

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by ragingpanda

It's a huge liability with very little benefits for a man but the opposite is true for women.

Originally Posted by rebekahb

That's not always true.

Originally Posted by vreihen16

Countdown until cmyx6go arrives to correct this sexist mis-conception in 3..2..1.....

Well...she's late. Typical woman. But I'm sure she'll be pleased that you are making her relive through the bitter divorce where she paid handsomely. I'm sure....

I married a woman who makes considerably more than me. She was the right one to marry. I can't think of anyone else who'd be willing to put up with me. But examining it from a purely financial perspective, her marrying me would make little sense, at least to ragingpanda.

But that's the thing, marriage shouldn't be viewed just through that lens. It is a component, a risk if you will, but you should be looking at your proposed partner's character and who they are and the compatibility or lack thereof rather than just financial. If there are any flags, you probably shouldn't be getting married.

Am I the only one though who read ragingpanda's posts and started to wonder if maybe he was an incel or is going to become an incel? It just seemed to be more than just bitter about marriage...seemed to be more about women in general. Maybe I'm reading too much into it though.

[erickonphoenix]

Originally Posted by someguywithanm3

It usually is though, well, in California anyway.

Unless you marry someone who makes the same or more than you.

That, and keep a negative bank balance and a 300 credit score.

[4Hockey4]

I married my best friend, so I guess I got lucky. We do everything together and its been perfect since March. We usually do 3-4 family dinners a week, at 6 sometimes 7 now.

Our "rough" patch was when kids were born, we both had "careers" and crazy busy up in D.C. area...so we left and went to Hilton Head island for a few years lol.

Came back to Virginia, but central. I can't imagine living in/near a major city ever again...I added 10 years to my life moving, 34 years was enough in that hell lol (yea "hometown" but I used to walk across 495 when built...changed a bit)

[TXSTYLE]

Cebrated 20 Years in September!

Would NOT change it or her for anything.

[ragingpanda]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Well...she's late. Typical woman. But I'm sure she'll be pleased that you are making her relive through the bitter divorce where she paid handsomely. I'm sure....

I married a woman who makes considerably more than me. She was the right one to marry. I can't think of anyone else who'd be willing to put up with me. But examining it from a purely financial perspective, her marrying me would make little sense, at least to ragingpanda.

But that's the thing, marriage shouldn't be viewed just through that lens. It is a component, a risk if you will, but you should be looking at your proposed partner's character and who they are and the compatibility or lack thereof rather than just financial. If there are any flags, you probably shouldn't be getting married.

Am I the only one though who read ragingpanda's posts and started to wonder if maybe he was an incel or is going to become an incel? It just seemed to be more than just bitter about marriage...seemed to be more about women in general. Maybe I'm reading too much into it though.

What is an incel?

[kscarrol]

Originally Posted by ragingpanda

What is an incel?

Involuntary celibate

[ragingpanda]

Originally Posted by kscarrol

Involuntary celibate

How is that even a thing? I personally don't like dealing with womens bullshit after having sex with her, so I prefer to pay for it upfront nowadays whenever I get the urge.

Eddie Murphy should have followed his own advice from way back in the day from Raw. I just read that he is paying 25k a month to his ex wife.

Happy wife, happy life right?

[Kolyan2k]

The key is drinking, lots of drinking

[Tambohamilton]

"It's not a libido problem; I've just never been physically attracted to [me]"

I'm not married, but it's not going well, regardless. Counselling is unearthing stuff that I wish wasn't true (on both sides), and with a 3yo kid plus a baby due in January, I have no idea what I am doing or am going to do. If I stay, it's not looking good for my mental state. If I leave, I won't get to live with my kids (and current best plan for earning sufficient funds to pay for 2 homes involves moving to a different country).

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

"It's not a libido problem; I've just never been physically attracted to [me]"

I'm not married, but it's not going well, regardless. Counselling is unearthing stuff that I wish wasn't true (on both sides), and with a 3yo kid plus a baby due in January, I have no idea what I am doing or am going to do. If I stay, it's not looking good for my mental state. If I leave, I won't get to live with my kids (and current best plan for earning sufficient funds to pay for 2 homes involves moving to a different country).

Stay. Grind it out, just grind it out. It's either that or your kids will be strangers.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

"It's not a libido problem; I've just never been physically attracted to [me]"

I'm not married, but it's not going well, regardless. Counselling is unearthing stuff that I wish wasn't true (on both sides), and with a 3yo kid plus a baby due in January, I have no idea what I am doing or am going to do. If I stay, it's not looking good for my mental state. If I leave, I won't get to live with my kids (and current best plan for earning sufficient funds to pay for 2 homes involves moving to a different country).

Well, going to assume from the first bit that your sex life is pretty dry to non existent. What did the good counsellor propose in that regard? All parties must acknowledge that's pretty significant issue right?

You leaving is going to have a wonderful chance of screwing up your kids though. I've seen too many divorces and from that, the kids are almost always affected worse than kids whose parents stay together. Unless there is abuse by staying together of course.

Don't know - that's a tough one. Sucks.

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

You leaving is going to have a wonderful chance of screwing up your kids though. I've seen too many divorces and from that, the kids are almost always affected worse than kids whose parents stay together. Unless there is abuse by staying together of course.

Don't know - that's a tough one. Sucks.

You're the first person I have seen say that, usually it's the "staying is worse for the kids". I'll argue it is not if you can find a way to reduce the open arguing.

Once you leave the house, odds are she turns the ids slowly against you and/or a new guy arrives and now he is dad. With boys, you have the added concern of the emasculation they are undergoing and if the new guy is woke, you're stuck with his limp wristed parenting and you're the bad guy for pushing your kids a bit.

Stay. Keep the peace, plan an exit but stay.

[Tambohamilton]

Thanks for the replies.

I figure I've got to stay, realistically. I just need to work out how to make that positive.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Well, going to assume from the first bit that your sex life is pretty dry to non existent. What did the good counsellor propose in that regard? All parties must acknowledge that's pretty significant issue right?

You leaving is going to have a wonderful chance of screwing up your kids though. I've seen too many divorces and from that, the kids are almost always affected worse than kids whose parents stay together. Unless there is abuse by staying together of course.

Don't know - that's a tough one. Sucks.

Yes, nonexistent except fo reproduction purposes only... I find it hard to deal with that; can't switch off the urge. Partner acknowledges that it's an issue, but at the same time can offer no solution. She's petrified I might leave (I've made it clear repeatedly that I want to stay), but can't offer any sort of plan. It's not just sex that's gone; it's any form of physical affection; hugs etc etc...gone.

Going to see a doctor to try and separate what is likely some depression from the relationship issues. I'm very aware that it seems shallow to split up the family basically because I don't get sex...but at the same time it constantly gets me down.

Counsellor would offer more ideas for sure, but my partner can't bring herself to be part of the sessions. Going to stop the sessions for the foreseeable - not very helpful since we can only deal with my side of the story. Initial proposals were some ways for us to show some affection, without any pressure. But turns out that if you don't feel the urge to show affection, and nobody asks you for affection......yeah.

Looks like I need a spoonful of concrete!

[Alfisti]

Wait sex is the only issue, everything else pretty good? Jesus it's the easiest thing to fix, much harder to fix head cases or irrational people causing tension. Not downplaying your issue but this is fixable.

[coldfish]

Originally Posted by dmk08

I have been locked in a house with my wife going through her first pregnancy. I just keep my head down and pay bills....

I am going through the same thing. First trimester. Head down, cook, clean and pay bills.

[1MOREMOD]

It didn't.

[Tambohamilton]

Thanks for the replies.

I've tried plenty over the years. I've been pretty fit at times (riding 140+ mi per week, year round), and earlier this year I lost about 6kg (down to 72kg from 78ish)...it changes nothing. Any advances I've tried to make have been met coldly. She'd pull away from me offering a hug, or just grumble if I asked for one.

Last night was tough. Tried to talk it through with her, and explain my feelings. She just got pretty hysterical and we essentially made no progress. However, she has since offered a couple of hugs - that's massive for me and lifts my mood a lot!

I do think she could benefit from some kind of help. I'm not sure what. But I don't think me suggesting she get help would go down well... She doesn't think she's broken. I wish she'd take my efforts to fix things up as a positive effort rather than a problem.

We'll see how it progresses.

[Alfisti]

OK that's worse than it sounds, this is not about sex, she's just shut down.

It may just be the mundanity of family life has hit her, she may not even know it. Kids now front and centre and she doesn't have the energy to be connect. Has her body shape changed, women get pretty sensitive about that and can go quiet.

Either way, poster above was right, it's something in her head.

[Tambohamilton]

Yes, I think it's something relating to the mundanity/familiarity/etc of normal life. Her body hasn't changed very much, I don't think, but it's possible that there's something that bothers her there. Honestly, I think she suffers from depression a bit - similar to me. She spends too much of her day scrolling through the internet, IMO...just lost her spark a fair bit.

[Alfisti]

The reality of parental responsibility can be confronting, i know at times, i mean i love my kids, but man, would honestly do anything for a week to myself, just alone.