Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr
It's not...not about you either. Its a relationship and there are two sides.
As you know, I know very little about your relationship aside from the very few things you've mentioned. I understand it isn't good. But you say that it's almost like she's given up / lost her soul, more than depression...something like that, I can't remember the exact words. But what if she feels like she can't talk about the past now, after so many years. After what has been said, and what hasn't been said. What if that's part of what's causing her to feel broken, but she doesn't know how to bring it up / fix it?
I'm not saying it is, I have no idea. I don't really know you, and I certainly don't know your mother or her personality / character type. Just saying...what if it were?
Yes, her recount of history will likely not be pleasant. Is she the type that now, the way she is now, would listen to your recount and consider whether there is truth there? Will you do the same to her for her version? Maybe there is some common ground that you can find to work with. Sure, it might not be repaired by the time she dies, but it might be better than what it was. Would you regret not taking the opportunity when you no longer have it?
Your Dad presumably saw something in her of value and worth? Surely there is something there.
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Dude, I got the parking tickets still all stashed.
And no, I doubt I'd regret letting this opportunity to go through the history, I however would be very mad at myself if I spent my time now crushing her. She talks about dad and shit and I'm okay with it. I talk about my dad to the kids a lot and she sees the skills learned from him being transferred to the next generation.
And as much as this is not... not about me, the thing is that all I have to do is to set aside my hatred towards her and attend to her like I would towards anyone else. In a way, I'd say that's me being about me.
As for what my father thought, I think I knew him well enough to know he liked growing potatoes on his free time and reading and us kids. I don't think he actually gave a fuck about anything besides those before I had kids. Then even potatoes became a second thought.